


The Married Life of Mycroft Holmes and Greg Lestrade

by kitkat6020



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, Kangaroos - Fandom, Sherlock (TV), The Hobbit (Jackson Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Crack, Crack Crossover, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-11-17
Updated: 2015-11-17
Packaged: 2018-05-02 01:24:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 635
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5228561
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kitkat6020/pseuds/kitkat6020
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Now that Mycroft and Lestrade have drunkenly entered into the bonds of matrimony, their lives are going to settle down into blissful domestic peace.</p><p>Right?</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Married Life of Mycroft Holmes and Greg Lestrade

**Author's Note:**

  * For [BubbleGumLizard](https://archiveofourown.org/users/BubbleGumLizard/gifts).



And then Mycroft touched Lestrade's butt. It was amazing. It was like riding on the back of a pegasus through a rainbow of happy pants-feelings. It may have been the happiest that Mycroft had ever felt.

BUT THEN a wild pack of Death Eaters slammed through the wall and carried Lestrade away on their broomsticks. Not that Mycroft knew that they were Death Eaters, mind you. He was a muggle, through and through, so all he knew was that some crazy, black-robed jerks with wicked tattoos had just taken his husband and literally, LITERALLY, flown away with him.  
This sucked.  
Thoroughly confused, Mycroft was left with one option.  
He called Sherlock.  
Sherlock didn't answer. Mycroft called John.  
"Hullo?"  
"It's Mycroft, I need to talk to Sherlock."  
"Now is not a good time."  
"John, I know fourteen separate, nameless hellholes to which I could send you with an inter-office memo."  
"...Sherlock's a bit...preoccupied at the moment. It's easiest if you just get down here."  
"Where are you?"  
"The Tower."  
"Where in-"  
"Just head for the screams."

 

"Explain this to me one more time."  
"All of it?"  
"All of it. Especially the part about the wizards."  
John risked a glance around the corner. A spurt of flame rocketed up the hallway, singeing his eyebrows. "Well, wizards exist, some kind of war seems to have broken out among them, and they've been wreaking havoc all over London."  
"And this has what to do with my husband?"  
"I haven't a clue."  
Mycroft sighed, thinking of Lestrade's butt and what could have been. "And where does Sherlock fit in with all of this?"  
"Well, we were working on a case about the elephants at the circus, which led us to Madame Tussaud's, which then took us to the Nicaraguan Embassy-"  
Mycroft nodded, "Naturally."  
"-when Sherlock realized that this all was the work of a secret society of wizards out to reinstall a deposed dictator and take over the world."  
"Of course."  
"Unfortunately, the wizards realized what we knew, and they turned Sherlock into a dragon."  
Another spurt of fire roasted the hallway.  
"I can't say that I'm surprised."  
John nodded. "It was bound to happen eventually."  
The floor rumbled under the impact of massive feet.  
"But why the Tower?"  
John sighed. "The Treasury."  
"Oh, yes, of course. How silly of me."  
The clang of gold bars hitting flagstone rang against the walls.  
"Understandable. It's been a long day."  
"Do they have any idea of when he'll be back to human-shaped?"  
Latinate gibberish could be heard in the distance, along with flashes of bright, neon color.  
"He would have been back to normal an hour ago, but-"  
"But what?"  
"He's being difficult."  
There was a massive roar, followed by, "I AM FIRE AND DEATH!!!"  
"I see."  
"We're just lucky that he's trapped in the basement. You know how he gets when he's peckish."  
"JOHN. JOHN! CALL THE ZOO. I CRAVE FLESH."  
Mycroft stood. "Sherlock?"  
"MYCROFT? WONDERFUL! COME CLOSER."  
"I was hoping that you could help me. I have a bit of a problem."  
"SO DO I. COME CLOSER, AND WE'LL CHAT."  
"Some men on broomsticks kidnapped Lestrade."  
"OH, BLOODY FANTASTIC. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE."  
"Yes, well, I'd really like to have him back. Will you help?"  
"MYCROFT, I AM A MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON. A. MOTHER. FUCKING. DRAGON. I HAVE A THOUSAND BETTER THINGS TO DO THAN HELP YOU RESCUE LESTRADE, AND ALL OF THEM ARE, 'BE A MOTHERFUCKING DRAGON'."  
Mycroft rolled his eyes. "What will it take for you to help me?"  
There was a moment of silence.  
"Sherlock?"  
"..I WANT A KANGAROO. BRING ME A KANGAROO."  
"Sherlock-"  
"I WANT TO EAT IT. DO THIS FOR ME, AND I'LL HELP YOU FIND LESTRADE."  
Mycroft sighed and pulled out his phone. "Get me the director of the Zoo."

**Author's Note:**

> This is what I'm doing instead of working on my own fanfiction. No ragrets.


End file.
